The things I never noticed

"I love you with all my heart and I'm going to miss you terribly."

I held him as he sobbed. "How did we ever get here?"

As I sat curled in the bed, waiting for him to come lay down with me, I noticed a piece of paper folded up on his nightstand. It looked familiar...I don't know why. I opened up up halfway and I realized it was the love letter I'd written him before he left for his last trip. 

He'd been reading it in bed. The same bed I was supposed to be in waiting for him that night. 

I went into the bedroom to get into bed and I noticed he had piled up the throw pillows on my side.
As if to make it seem like someone was still there at night. They weren't on the floor, where they normally end up.

As I dried the bamboo cutting board, I realized I couldn't find the other bamboo cutting board. Where was it? Sometimes the man who cleans Mr. P's apartment puts it in a strange place, like in a cupboard or something. 

It hit me as I looked for it that we have two bamboo cutting boards, in case we are both cutting food at the same time. He made a purchase, small as it was, to facilitate our togetherness.

He chops vegetables as I watch, not knowing what to do with my hands.

I should say no, I think to myself. "Maybe after you get home from this trip..." but I feel his hands on my face and my shoulders sink. "Yes. I'd like to stay".

His voice was groggy with sleep when I buzzed in.

"Would you like to spend the night?" he asked, as I fidgeted. 

I stomped down 14th Street in my heels, preparing in my head what I would say as I handed him his items and he gave me my jacket. I would be calm, cool, collected. I would get my jacket and get the first bus back to the train and go home.

"I left my favorite jacket at your place."

"Oh. Well can you stop by after class and get it?"