I'm really lonely.

I almost invited A. over. But even when him & I dated, I didn't enjoy sleeping next to him. 

Truth is, of the dozens and dozens of men, I've never loved any man the way I love Mr. P. 

And in a way I really hate that. 

He's irreplaceable. I wish he wasn't. 

I could have four guys here now. 

It wouldn't make me feel any better. 

It isn't him but the endless way I love him. Even with Anirban...I knew it would end, in the deep corners. I knew it had limits. We just stayed so safely with in them that they didn't matter. 

Once we bumped agaist them, hard, our love evaporated. 

But all it takes is a well-placed Foo Fighters song. The strum of that guitar touches me, touches the same place he did.