A few weeks ago, I changed my relationship status on facebook to "complicated".

Honestly though, aren't all relationships complicated? I digress. I'm very good at digressing.

My best friend N, whom I left behind in Kansas City 3 years ago this month, chimed in and said she'd been really busy with work and that she wanted to talk to me about this.

I never heard from her.

I know she's gearing up to take on lots of additional responsibility at her (really pathetic) job and got a (really pathetic) raise for doing so. She's traveling all over the world to recruit students to come study at a (really pathetic) University in the midwest.

So maybe that's why I feel a little more than selfish when I find myself hiding her posts on facebook, where she oohs and ahhs over her new "role" as I sink into a (really pathetic) depression over Mr. P and I. Deep inside, I don't think it's just her job that's kept her from being there for me. I think we've grown apart--the distance doesn't help.

This is just another part in a series of things that I've noticed lately as I continue to remove myself from my previous spaces in this world. I finally let go of my Case email address, which I'd held on to because I was supposed to take a job there last January.

I've become a DCite as well. I rarely leave the city now and when I do I complain about every other place I go. "Get me back to civilization" is something I say on every trip outside of DC.

So it's really no wonder then why this morning I barely missed having a panic attack at the thought of leaving DC after I graduate.

Because when I'm already ten minutes late to leave Mr. P's for a function that would be attended by two DAS and an under secretary...it's critically important that I stop and think about graduating and changing careers midlife...more than a year from now. Sweating, Mr. P stopped me from going out the door.

"Babes? Talk to me," he says, rubbing my shoulders and staring at me. "I know you have to go. But talk to me for just a minute."

And I told him that I was nervous, today was a big event and where was I going with my life? Would I continue to woo the political elite in immigration...or would I jump ship for public health...or would I finally figure out how to merge the two and be the empress of global health diplomacy? Should I get a second Masters in International Affairs?

Would him and I still be together? Were we that kind of couple? What kind of couple were we...and why didn't I already know what kind we were?

"Babes, we will be together for a long time. Of all the things to worry about...us is not one of them."

The bigger question: what is it about Mr. P's voice that actually, genuinely calms me down? I left feeling confident and secure. I left feeling like that fact that I can love someone the way I love him is proof that I don't need a rock solid plan to get through life.

I've got the love.