Taking Control

I’ve thought a lot about how I can take back some of the control I’ve given up over my life. I know that true control is an illusion (I’ve studied enough Buddhism to know that much) but that doesn’t mean nothing is within your realm of influence. And so I’m attempting to exert my influence over myself in the best ways possible.

1. I will find healthy ways to get more energy. I know the usual suspects are dehydration (check), poor diet (eh, my diet is better than most people’s), lack of exercise (check), stress (check check check). I need to address them, I really do. I’m not taking good care of myself.
2. I will follow my dentist’s advice to drink more water. I’m aiming to an extra 1-1.5 L a day. I don’t think that’s unreasonable. I also think it will help me with more energy, which I would really, really like.
3. I will get more exercise, even if I have to get sweaty and nasty to do it, that’s really not an excuse for being so damned fat and tired.
4. I will improve my diet by eating less, eating more regularly and planning ahead. Being single for whatever reason has actually made this easier, maybe because my kid and I don’t eat the same things. However, being single has also made it so that I can ignore my nutritional needs. I’m definitely going to experiment with some ‘green’ drinks using my new juicer. Spinach juice doesn’t sound great but it would probably help.
5. I will de-stress by getting back into a yoga routine, taking regular lunch hours, and making more time for myself. I also need to practice better posture and regulate my emotions better. I think de-stressing also means I need to stop talking to negative people in my life. I'm happy to say I've added not only my Iraqi stalker to my blocked calls list but my douche-bag ex-bengali boyfriend.

It seems like everyday, my relationship with Sagar teaches me something else. Of course, the fact that the Bengali was a douche seems to have been apparent to everyone else but me for so long. But still, it's something new and very valuable to me.

I’m pretty sure I get enough sleep. I know this because I actually wake up just marginally less tired than I did when I went to bed. If sleep was the problem, I would wake up fine and feel tired later. I am seriously considering cutting caffeine out of my diet. There is really no use for it, it’s just an addiction really. I figure I can drink more beer if I cut it out, too.